Hand Me Downs, Hammy Downs, –wait, what? Are you looking for a polite way to refuse hand-me-downs from well-meaning friends and family?
If you don’t know what hand-me-downs are, you may either be an oldest or only child! Joking aside and apologies to those who often longed for something new growing up, but “hand me downs” refers to an object that is passed on from one person to another. Other commonly used terms for this are secondhand, used, and sometimes discards.
It’s the Thought That Counts, Right?
Typically it’s our well-meaning friends or family that offer to pass along their gently used items to us. This generosity is great but taking on these extra unplanned hand-me-downs whenever someone offers can often overwhelm us both physically and psychologically.
Undoing Your Decluttering Progress
Taking discards in our house can undo what we’ve worked so hard to accomplish with our decluttering efforts. Being alert and able to express appreciation but still politely refuse is important to learn upfront so you won’t be caught off guard. It can be hard though, too, because you don’t want to appear ungrateful, especially when people are just trying to help you!
While it’s the thought that counts, it can be hard to hold steady when it comes to turning down these hand me down offers of kindness. To be most gracious and honor the sentiment, it can be helpful to brush up on these tips. This way, you may do so without hurting feelings while the most positive path going forward.
Put Things in Perspective
Now that you’re on your decluttering journey, though you may have experienced the woes of having to deal with these discards from both perspectives – both ‘gifter’ and ‘recipient’. It’s good to be able to see and identify this behavior from both perspectives so that you can deal with it in the best possible manner for all parties.
As the Gifter of Hand Me Downs
First, as a declutterer, when you start to accumulate your pile of things to get rid of, you’ll likely consider trying to rehome these items. This is especially true after you’ve pared down to the more valuable and dear items to you and you just want to share in usefulness of the items.
As you run across something perfectly ‘good, working, and valuable’, you may think “I’ll bet my friend would like this or be able to use it.” Then you set it aside, waiting to gift it with the best of intentions. The thing is, this is not ideal for multiple reasons:
- First, you end up holding on to clutter longer than you probably would have.
- Secondly, you are trying to pass your clutter to someone else. Since you’re in the phase of decluttering now, try to consider whether or not this is really the best solution.
- If the person you’re gifting is a college student or newly married friend begging for starter gifts, then perhaps this could be a good idea.
- Consider that it may be a better idea just to pass them along to a donation center so someone who truly is looking for that item can make a happy match. Then, that friend won’t end up on this page trying to figure out how to turn down discards while they are decluttering!
As the Recipient of Hand Me Down Offers
If you’re the intended recipient of gifts like these, you know how it can be. Perhaps Grandma has the best of intentions handing you down some fine furniture, but you just know it will sit in your basement. It will likely experience some moisture issues, not be cared for, and eventually passed on from you. What should you do then?
- Make the focus on you but be honest. Let your friend know you’re on a path to a simpler life and how it is affecting your life. This can help make it so that you won’t get offers in the first place.
- Try to do so without boring them or trying to change their mind on this lifestyle choice, just more matter of fact and non-judgemental.
- Be firm so that your friend will understand they should move on to their next option.
How to Refuse Hand-Me-Downs Politely
Do you have a well-meaning friend or family member who is always trying to pass along their discards? Sometimes they even show up with them without even asking because they felt it would be such a great match for you?
Until you’ve been honest with people like this, you’re likely to keep running into the same situation because they are probably intent on helping you and that’s what they thing they are doing.
On the spur of a moment, it’s a hard thing to deal with because it can be hard to tell someone you don’t want their stuff. That may hurt their feelings. What you can do is:
- Let them know you’re trying to make material changes in your life right now.
- Don’t put it on them, but make the refusal polite but firm and be more about your journey of decluttering and where you’re at now. Express your appreciation but affirm that you cannot take on new things at this stage in your life.
- If they don’t know what to do with it and ask for suggestions, share your abundance of knowledge about children’s consignment shops, donation centers, local habitats for humanity, and other options that would be a good fit and benefit from the item.
How to Respond to Common Hand Me Down Offers
Second-Hand Clothes
For starters, if you’re not the oldest child, you may have already experienced having to wear and use hand me down clothes while growing up.
One way to make it so that you don’t see as ungrateful is to, again, make it about you. Let your friend know what you’ve found for great outlets to donate to. Without being too pushy or overzealous, share the benefits of giving to this organization – whether it be for the greater good or to make some cashback.
School Uniforms – These are great to contribute to the schools that require uniforms. Often, they will offer for students in need to come and
Used Baby Goods
I’ve noticed one of the hot button areas that causes trouble around hand-me-downs and it is when items are offered for newborns and kids. Sure, kids grow fast so it makes sense to try to get good use out of kids’ goods and clothing.
If you’re trying to keep things simple, though, you probably have decided you need a lot less than what most people even have in one large sack of offerings.
On Loan vs. Truly Given
Also, often, people who offer their kids items will want it back in the future. This means that, should you decide you want to do away with some of the items, you have to try to get the items back to their original owner first. Do you really want to be responsible to get their items back in the right shape and have to have an extra delay in trying to do so while you’re on your decluttering journey?
